Modern addictions offer us occasional bubbles of bliss, like the first series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or a new coat, but more often these addicitons are a comfort blanket that keeps us safe from the cosmic reality of our existence. Which according to scientists is absolutely terrifying and beautiful in equal measure, but mostly terrifying, so not that equal ...
For many of us, these distracting activities occupy, in some form or another, almost the whole of our waking lives especially when the sales are on, and only in sleep does our subconscious express itself through dreams and nightmares usually involving a cocktail waitress.
Devoid of one or all of these addictions we can feel lost, lonely and afraid - and sick to our stomach with the sensation that our soul, our true self - which is that part of us that knows the truth but is afraid of it - is giving birth to itself, to lie naked and exposed in a world that we are fearful of. That feeling is often described as melancholia, or a kind of undefined sadness, and it is a sensation that we will do almost anything to negate. Sometimes there is an accompanying sense of fear or dispondency that only a large cake can ease.
These feelings seem unjustified to us in a world of positive affirmations, instant noodles and cultural apsiration, yet these are the genuine feelings of our selves facing the super-human truth of cosmic reality. We avoid these feelings because we have built a world that allows us to do just that.
Having been born and conditioned into the world designed by our fearbears, we have the choice as to whether to give birth to ourselves during our lifetimes. However, it is a choice.
Ultimately, each of us is committed to no more than getting through our life.
There is nothing dishonest, immoral or tragic about distracting ourselves through life with modern addictions if that is what we choose to do, even though they may make us both sick and tired. But if one can face the pain of the true self bursting forth into a natural cosmic reality then there are some surprising rewards, though I can't think of any at the moment ...
aside from the feeling of dispondancy that grows inside of me like mold, i am laughing my ass off with that last line. but truly, knowing the self and life is like easing into an ice cold lake. the body trembles and you wonder why you are engaged in such tom foolery but it just happens to be how you are wired, and wired as such, just how could you ever choose to be dry and warm?
ReplyDeletei sell things, ian. can you imagine. this is how i earn my living. i see people time and time again trying to distract and coddle themselves. this is just as disturbing as any hopeful/hopeless/bare truth. i hear them talk and talk with no real words coming out of their mouths. i imagine meat grinders and hamburger. this is how their words appear to me. and this is ok? sure, why not. we can only bear what we can bear. this is a simple equation.
xo
erin