the mothership

There is a meaning to life, well it's not so much a meaning, but an imperative ... an inevitable imperative that aligns the onset of birth-life and negates all the crap you have ever heard about your mission or purpose ... yet it's not something I have ever divulged to anyone at the retreat ... I have intimated at times, talked around the subject, though at a great distance from the centre of any soul or ego in residence... on occasion I have been caught out hiding this truth and people have demanded that I let loose this silly-sounding soundbite that is more than the sum total of all that man has ever learnt ... and I explain my resilience as best I can ...

... I might say for example, if you saw a ghost, no, if you really saw a ghost, let's say it was the ghost of Marilyn Monroe, and it wasn't a dream, but, due to some blip in the 11th dimension of the space-time continuum, or some such cosmic accident, that you, yes you, the one and only you, to whom nothing magical or strange or supremely weird had ever happened, were lying there, or sitting or standing, and the crack in the reality of human perception opened up quite unexpectedly and by accident, and the ghost of Miss Monroe appeared before you, spoke with you, sat quietly with you in that place while she waited patiently for the bus back to the afterlife, sang to you sweetly ... until the crack in all that is reopened and she went away again ...

well let's say that really happened, not in your mind, but it really did happen ...

... what could you do with this experience, this knowledge that all is not as it seems ?

... the answer is nothing ... the experience would define you, but could have no impact in any other sphere ...

So when I am pressed to tell, I refrain and laugh at the absurdity of it all ... as much as I wish to instantly lift all your burdens, I cannot do it with the truth, I have to find another way ... that's the way it is ... and the other way is cumbersome and clanky and verbose, but what else can I do?

I have to admit, now I have the publication date of the new book, April 2012, and as I intend it to be my last book, though I have said this before haha, I did think about sliding the truth into the last chapter, where it would go unnoticed, or, perhaps as my final joke, the last amusing aside to a life well lived, I may put it in huge capitals and destroy my reputation in a moment by telling the simple truth in unapologetic terms ... to thousands of indifferent ears ! I'll think about it ... but whatever I decide, rather like the man who really did get a visit from the ghost of Marilyn, the truth is always buried in our own experiences ... truth of this magnaminity cannot be shared ...

However, let me leave you today with something as weird and as strange as all of this ... something that you will not believe unless you too have experienced it ... something that will not define you as it has me ...

... when I was 16 I walked across a great park, home from school in the winter hours when darkness was full in the early evening ... I was not alone but with a friend ... and apart from these two boys in school uniforms there was nobody else in the park that evening ... and that an extraordinary event took place that left us with a shared legacy that meant nothing could ever be the same again ...

and now of course I am in Marilyn Monroe's ghost territory ... so I will stop ...

.... but take heed if you wish to believe me - all is not what it seems, have faith in that if nothing else ...